Sometimes we can find ourselves in patterns of behaviour that are unhealthy or abusive. Relationships are hard work; it is common for relationships to have ups and downs. Sometimes, unhealthy patterns of behaviours and ways of thinking in how you communicate with your partner develop. You may also recognise that you are using some abusive behaviours as well. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship where both partners are valued and respected.
Do you or your (ex-)partner…
- Have a short fuse that impacts you, your partner or your family, making them afraid or scared?
- Feel you are being goaded or pushed into things you do not really want to do and/or disagree with?
- Need to know where the other is and what they are doing at all times, and can’t stop checking up on you or them?
- Find it challenging to manage jealous feelings?
- Feel the need to check the other’s call records, email, texts, social media accounts, bank accounts, colleagues, and car mileage?
- Insult, humiliate, call each other names or disrespect each other?
- Take most of the blame or feel blamed for “mistakes” or when things go wrong.?
- Acting on anger or frustration by lashing out; intense verbal confrontation, hitting, punching, slapping, ignoring or pushing each other?
- Want to be in charge of all decisions regarding going out, seeing friends, family, work, hobbies, and finances?
- Manage the other person’s finances and do not give access to them or share decisions or knowledge regarding your finances.
Are you…
- Accused of being abusive, either verbally, mentally or sexually?
- Made to doubt yourself by making you and others think you are “unstable”, “crazy”, “weak”, “paranoid”, “too soft”, or “too emotional”?
- Trivialising the other person’s feelings or refusing to acknowledge them?
- Denying that events happened or denying you said something, like “No, you didn’t say that, you are remembering it wrong”, or, “You’re imagining things that never happened”?
- Feeling increasingly isolated from your friends and family and uncomfortable being in touch with them?
- Being threatening with “outing you”, perhaps relating to your sexuality or mental health state?
- Made to do things sexually you’re uncomfortable with?
- Feeling “punished” by e.g. getting the “silent treatment” for expressing an opinion?
If you feel your relationship is not healthy, do seek support. It is understandable to think, “how on earth did I end up here” but it’s important to remember that people and relationships do change. We support anyone who has been affected by domestic abuse.
We don’t choose for things to end up badly; changes sneak up on us until we get to the stage where we struggle to reach out because we’ve lost our self-confidence or think that no one will believe us… 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience abuse in relationships.
By understanding what is unhealthy in relationships and being prepared to do something about it, we can help change things.