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How To Set Boundaries

The thing is that many of us are “givers”; we give, give, give and over-extend, often forgetting ourselves in the process. We, you, too, deserve kindness. Overdoing it, always being available, and being there for others can make us emotionally drained or overwhelmed, so setting yourself boundaries is an essential form of self-kindness.

Setting boundaries and saying “No” is not selfish or a weakness; having healthy boundaries brings better relationships, less stress in your life and is a form of self-respect, and it is your right.

As for the tough Challenge

  • Reflect and accept you have the right to set boundaries;- to say “No” without feeling guilty – to be treated with respect – to make your needs as important as others – to have the space to grow – to accept my mistakes and failures – to not to meet others’ unreasonable expectations of me.
  • Identify what is important to YOU, what are your limits; physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Review what you can tolerate, accept, and what are your values. Assess what/who makes you feel stressed, unhappy, uncomfortable, resentful, or taken advantage of.
  • Listen to your gut, as it will give you the self-awareness to assess what or who makes you feel uncomfortable on a scale 1 to 10. For those on the higher end; is a boundary being crossed? Is it worth it?
  • You’re not here to please everyone all of the time. Be clear and direct; start with small things. You do not need to explain or justify your “No” in setting boundaries; however, to get you going, try.. “Let me think about that”, “I will have to get back to you”; to give yourself time. Or “No, I don’t don’t have time right now”, “I appreciate you asking, but I can’t”, “I am not comfortable with that”, “I have other commitments.”
  • Be brave in choosing “you”; setting boundaries is hard; all too often, it’s much easier to do things for others than it is for ourselves. 
  • Stick to it, don’t give in once you’ve set a boundary that allows others to ignore your boundaries in future.
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