Children and Domestic Abuse

Each child will be affected by the experience of Domestic Abuse differently. Children might not understand precisely what is happening, but being in an environment where domestic abuse is happening, could make them feel unsafe and scared.

Children can be witness to abuse by:

Being in the same room or involving themselves in the abuse by trying to make it stop.
Hearing the abuse.
Seeing the consequence of abuse, for example, physical injuries.
Being manipulated to take part in the abuse.
Being threatened to be taken away if they spoke about the abuse to others.

It’s important to remember that:

Children rely on the adults around them; if they do not feel safe with them, this can have many adverse physical and emotional effects.
Even if children are not expressing, able to express or show how the abuse is making them feel does not mean they are not affected by it.
No adult or child deserves to experience domestic abuse.

Recovery can happen; this can be helped through experiencing healthy relationships and good support systems. Accessing support through schools, early help, stator services and specialist DA services can also support this recovery.

Rotherham Rise is keen to support families and has experienced project workers who work with families. Do not hesitate to contact us for advice or support.

What are some of the signs of domestic abuse impact on children?

Because children might feel frightened, guilty, confused, angry or lonely, they might not share how domestic abuse makes them feel. Signs that a child might have witnessed domestic abuse could be:
– aggression or bullying
– anti-social behaviour, like vandalism
– anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts
– attention seeking
– bed-wetting, nightmares or insomnia
– constant or regular sickness, like colds, headaches and mouth ulcers
– drug or alcohol use
– eating disorders
– problems in school or trouble learning
– tantrums
– withdrawal

[from: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/news-opinion/2022/record-number-children-affected-domestic-abuse/]

Should I tell my children about my intention to flee?

You will need to consider this carefully. If you tell your children you are leaving will they tell the person who is abusing, and will this affect your plans? If you are in this situation we recommend you seek support, this support can help you work out the best course of action in this situation.
Do contact us for advice or see other Organisations That Can Help.

Should I contact my children’s school about what is going on at home?

Schools and colleges can be important places to help parents get the support they need to help their children. All schools have a safeguarding lead who will know what support there is locally for parents/carers affected by domestic abuse. If you do not know who this is, the reception team will be able to help. Schools also have pastoral care / emotional support for all students. Pastoral care is a provision that schools make to ensure their pupils’ physical and emotional welfare. This could be one-on-one support for your child, making adjustments in the classroom or working with you to ensure the safety and wellbeing of your child.

Will my children be taken away if I seek support?

Domestic Abuse is a safeguarding concern for all children affected, but it does not mean that children affected are automatically taken into care.
All services, including Rotherham Rise, need to have a duty of care to identify where there are safeguarding concerns, and talk to specialist services such as Social Care. The aim is for children to be safe.

Do contact us for advice or see other Organisations That Can Help.

How do I support my children if I am not in a position to leave my Abusive Relationship?

– Build good communication between you and your child, focussing on them (not sharing all your problems or issues), their fears and worries. We have some great ideas – click here.
– Reassuring children that the abuse is not their fault.
– Explaining to children abuse is never OK.
– Helping them find reliable people they can go to for support; a trusted individual.
-Seek the support and advice of a specialist service like Rotherham Rise.

Is it better to stay in an abusive relationship than raise my children as a single parent?

Children do best in a safe, stable and loving environment – this is regardless of whether this is with one or two parents or carers. Even if you believe they are unaware of the abuse, it is best for children to feel safe at home.